July 3, 1992
Dr. Willoughby Mulch, Superintendent of Schools of Emerald County, California.
Freddy Mulch, his 17 year old son.
Time: Saturday, mid-morning
Scene: The garden of the Mulch home. Dr.Mulch is weeding his rose
garden. His son Freddy approaches.
Gee, Dad, the roses are beautiful.
They're doing remarkably well since I put that new organic fertilizer
Willy and I are going to MacDonalds and then we're going to take
in a movie.
Have a good time. Remember that we're going to the Smiths tonight
for a barbecue.
I'll be home by six.... Can you spare ten?
Do you want the ten dollars as a loan or a grant?
Does it make a difference?
All the difference in the world. If it's a loan, I give you the
ten and you pay me back at the end of the month. If it's a grant,
you'll have to fill out some forms.
Come on, dad, all I want is ten bucks.
It isn't the money; I can afford ten dollars. It's a matter of
my helping you to prepare for the things that you will encounter
in the real world. You'll have to learn to fill out grant applications
if you're to get the money you need to do what you want to do.
But I'm not going to be a teacher or an administrator; I'm going
to be a marine biologist.
By the time you get your degree, you'll have to fill out a grant
application to get the air for your scuba tanks.
(looking at his watch) Willy won't be here for an hour. What do
you want me to do?
OK; go to the computer and type out the application. You'll need
a title for the project, your project goals, who the personnel
will be, methods and procedures, the amount of money needed and
Freddy leaves and returns half an hour later.
(perusing the typed application) Freddy, this is very good. For
a beginner, you show a real aptitude for education. mmm....Title:
Cinemato-gustatorial Study...very fine.... Goals: Nutrition and
its relationship to weekend recreation.... super, Freddy....Your
personnel list and the methods and procedures leave something
to be desired; but all in all it's a very good first grant application....What's
this? Budget: $10,000...Cheeseburgers, Malts, Pizza, submarine
sandwiches, travel to the Academy Awards and Europe... I thought
you only needed ten bucks.
It wasn't worth the work for just ten bucks, so I thought I'd
try for a bundle.
(handing him a bill) Here's a grant of ten dollars. I'm very proud of you, son. You have a fine future ahead of you. If it wasn't for the anti-nepotism laws, I'd offer you a job this minute.
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